Okay, so maybe I didn't hit the reset button as fast as I wanted. Things sound great in my head and then when I go to do them, I get scared. I am scared of a new beginning, scared of making mistakes, and most importantly scared of change. I don't know if anyone else gets like this. I guess you could say that in the flight-fight response I do neither. I choose to stand still and hope nothing gets me.
Well I have made a few changes though. I am trying not to spend as much time at work and trying to model a more well rounded approach to life. This hasn't been as easy because my work makes me who I am. I am slowly realizing that this is not the case. I don't know why it is so easy to get lost in work. But for me it is. I have been home this entire summer though without working and I have been loving it. I wish I could stay home a little longer. This is the exact opposite of what usually happens. I usually get so worked up over the summer and feel as if I have to have my work. I don't know if it is my attitude or if I am just enjoying the little things or rather my little things.
I have really enjoyed watching them and being a part of their world and not having to feel as if I am just governing it. It has been really fun to see. I have been going with their schedules instead of mine and really enjoying the pace. A friend of mine once said that once you have children you lose a piece of yourself. I think this is so true. I do not have anytime to myself. In order to have time to myself, I have to wake up at 4 AM!! So you know what I do. I set the alarm and then cancel it! I think I will have some ME time, but it will just have to be later. Although this is kind of my 5 minutes of alone time. That's enough right.
Anyways, I am not sure where this is going to take me, but I know I need to be less scared and jump in with both feet.
